Gathering my Insuffieciences

So we recently changed Wednesday youth group. I've also been going to Lauren and Tracy's small group and we've been reading Mean Girls, a really good book. Going along with it Tracy has been challenging us to read and journal about the bible everyday, and also to pray everyday. I have to admit I have not been reading my bible everyday, but I have been reading Mean Girls and writing about that.

I have also been praying a lot more, and have seen changes. It's not that my life has miraculously changed and it's perfect with birds singing and rainbows glistening, no. There is still crap and dumb drama, and stress, and the whatnot. But what I have noticed is that there is hope. I have been able to see a reason for things. I realize that God is in control and he knows what he's doing.

Continuing with my trend of posting music I heard this song while driving home Tuesday and remembered how much I love it. So, lyrics to "Pray" by Stellar Kart

It's loud and clear
Your silence has been breaking your heart
Like no one hears
You feel you may have fallen too far
But even if
You don't know the right words to say

Pray
Sit back and watch the scenery change
Hold on to the promise that help is on the way
Pray

If you think
You're not good enough to receive
What you need
Have a little faith and believe
God is not
A stranger to the things you might say

Something beautiful
Your miracle
Is waiting on you

So basically all I can say is Pray. See what it does and how you change.

A Really Nice Piece of Art

I don't know if anyone's noticed but lately I've been feeling bad. I've been dealing with some crap and the whatnot, nothing unusual but lately it's just hit me harder. This is probably due to all the stress of senior year, and being captain, and moving, the list goes on.

We got back from camp about a week ago and I realized everything was hitting me worse because I'd been kind of avoiding God, I guess you could say. A lot of my friends have been turning away from God and it was affecting me even though I didn't think it was.

At camp the theme was Journey, and the first night we wrote down where we were in our journey. On my card I wrote that I was stopped and looking at everything around me. That's how I felt, like I was pointed in the right direction but the past and the temptations of the world were stopping me.On the way home from camp I was listening to my ipod and the song "Nice Piece of Art" by FM Static came on.

I've tried not to let anyone in until now,
I guess conversations never allow.
And I've been feeling like I'm on some sort of merry go round.
And I know, I know. Yeah I know. I know.

And I've tried not to let anyone in until now,
It took time for me to figure it out.
And when I feel like I'm complacent with my head in the clouds,
I know, I know, yeah I know, I know

And every time I wonder what's real
you make me feel

You make me feel, like a lavender sweater,
When I'm caught in bad weather,
in my Volkswagen Jetta.
You make me feel like a complete work of art,
When I'm just falling apart.
A really nice piece of art...

Dear God, I hope you hear me...

And, I've tried not to let anyone in until now.
Misunderstandings are an easy way out.
And I've been feeling all this pressure just to figure it out.
And I know, don't know, yeah I know, don't know.

And I know that if I just stay strong I can make it,
and try harder when I just can't take it,
and when everything around me feels so broken and jaded,
I know, I know, yeah I know, I know

And every time I wonder what's real
you make me feel

You make me feel, like a lavender sweater,
When I'm caught in bad weather, in my Volkswagen Jetta.
You make me feel like a complete work of art,
When I'm just falling apart.
A really nice piece of art...

It's kinda warped but it's picking up slowly,
I don't know, but I can if you show me,
I guess sometimes it takes more than just fake conversations,
to feel like I know that,
It's kind of hard when I'm planning for something
to get across this hole without jumping,
I guess sometimes it takes more than just false informationto find out who we are...

You make me feel, like a lavender sweater,
When I'm caught in bad weather, in my Volkswagen Jetta.
You make me feel like a complete work of art,
When I'm just falling apart.
A really nice piece of art...


This song made me see that God made me and that he's always there for me even in the bad times. Since coming back from camp I've been dealing with stuff and trying to figure things out. Like Christian's taught, right now I feel like I am in the knowledge stage of being a christian.

Senior Year

So I’m new to this blogging thing so I’m just gonna write down whatever comes to my head, sorry if it’s jumbled and hard to understand.

So this year has been a lot better in many ways and a lot worse in others. As most of you know this is my senior year which brings with it a lot of stress and whatnot. First main stress college.

Some background about College; my sophomore year my Dad decided to take me and my brother to a college fair at McClean bible, it was a Christian college fair. I wandered around not expecting to find anything not even caring about college which seemed to be light-years away. While wandering I found a college that I really liked, mind you the main attraction was the horse and small country feel that was on their poster. I picked up a brochure thing and some book or something. After further reading I grew to love the school it sounded so good. It was located in a very small town, 1500 undergraduates, it had a nice area too. I decided that that was where I wanted to go to college.

The next year I went back and got more information from them furthering my decision to go there. Another factor adding to my idea of going there was Animal Science, a class I was taking, one of my friends in there was also planning on going there. Throughout junior year everyone was stressing about where they wanted to go to college and we would often have discussions in my lunch. Everyone knew where they wanted to go or at least what they wished to study. This scared me I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do but I figured if I clung to Asbury I would eventually find something that I wanted to study. My cover for this was saying that I wanted to study biology, which was a possibility. I really liked science and liked animals but was not supremely passionate about it.

Junior year I used Asbury as my excuse for a lot of things I did, not bad things but things like not taking hard classes and not worrying very much about grades because I knew that Asbury was not very hard to get into. Asbury became even better to me when I went and visited it, it was perfect the area was beautiful, the campus pristine, the dorms wonderful, and then me and my mom had decided that if they had a sonic then it was definitely the school for me, well guess what they had a sonic. I could imagine myself there I could picture myself going to the Walmart, I could see myself walking to the gym, going to the little doctor’s, going to the cafeteria, attending the church that we visited, and everything. All of those things were only social, I never saw myself going to the acathemic buildings never saw myself studying a particular major or anything like that.

I eventually began to think that maybe Asbury wasn’t where I wanted to go. I covered up this feeling by saying that Asbury didn’t have a guard and that I wanted to continue guard. Christian kept pestering me during Summer camp at liberty, asking me why I didn’t want to go to Asbury and that I was so set on it, he thought that I had decided not to go because of a boy, I kept telling him that they didn’t have a guard and that I didn’t know what I wanted to study. His questions although annoying made me see that I needed to find another option, I had to go somewhere.

That brings us to this year. I am now in both Animal Science and Fashion Design at my school, both of these classes together take up 5 periods leaving me with only English and math during school and taking government online. I did this because I knew that Asbury would accept me with these credits. I applied to Asbury super early, I was sending in my application before school started early. I got accepted, I received the “big packet” and got the acceptance letter and all of that. I thought that this would be the greatest thing ever, it wasn’t, my feeling was totally apathetic for lack of better word, I was glad that I had gotten in but not exuberant and jumping up and down like I had always pictured an acceptance letter would produce. I told everyone that I had gotten in and had a fake smile and total mask around me. I was not excited to get in I knew that I was not heading in that direction and wondered whether I would even be able to get into any other schools now that I had based everything around Asbury.

One day while driving with my mom the topic of college came up, mostly the topic of my overnight visit to Asbury which was planned for the springtime, I told my mom that I was not thinking that I would go to Asbury anymore, she was a little upset because she had already put money down on a bed and breakfast during my weekend and some other stuff. I felt bad but knew that I had to find somewhere else to go, the ever lingering thought in my mind.

This question got its answer when I had to research 5 schools for Fashion Design, they did not have to be fashion related my teacher just wanted to see where we were heading and what we were thinking. Through this I looked at Asbury, Northern Michigan, Marymount, Michigan State, and Central Michigan. If you notice most of these schools are located in Michigan, upon my parents finding out that Asbury was not a top priority they told me that I should look at Michigan schools so that they could just move there, at first this was not something I wanted to do, I did not want to leave Virginia and all of my friends and everything that I knew and loved. and that they had done so much for me throughout my life I figured I owed it to them. At this point I had decided that I wanted to pursue fashion design or something of that sort. I found out that Michigan State and Central Michigan both had pretty good fashion programs.

Michigan State is a freaking massive school and I did not think that I could handle that so I looked at central Michigan, this is the same college that my dad went to so added bonus there. I began to really like Central Michigan. One amazing thing that I liked about them was that I could take a semester in New York at FIT a very prestigious fashion school. I also looked more at majors here, they have a ton of majors so should I decide that fashion design is not something that I want to do I can easily change and do something else. I applied to Central this week and just need to send my ACT scores to them.

Sooo In a much needed conclusion basically I have no idea what I am going to do with my life but it appears that god is moving me towards Michigan and Central Michigan University so we’ll have to see how it all works out.

So I know that this has now gotten very long but I really needed to get this out so thanks to those who read through all of this. I might come back through and edit it to make more sense but I’m exhausted so this is it for now.
Blogging is fun!

Edited to add paragraphs for Paolo.

Joining the trend

Well since apparently everyone decided to ditch His Remedy and make a blog on here instead I decided I should too. :D So yeah gonna post my old blogs and add some new ones eventually