Summer 2012

It's been almost two years since I've written on this blog, but there's some stuff I want to write down and share with you all. God has been doing so much in my life lately and I have been doing a poor job of telling people, not because I'm afraid of their reactions but more because I am lazy and don't do a good job of organizing my time. I just got back from an awesome mission trip to Toronto and learned a lot about sharing our stories and glorifying God through our words and conversations. I would love to sit down with everyone who is close to me and just have a good solid conversation about what is going on in your life and tell you about what is going on in mine, but life is busy and life is hard so maybe we can't sit down and have a conversation but I still want to hear from you and I still want to know what's going on in your life.

Well first of all, this is my last semester of college and I cannot even believe that it has gone by this fast!  The years have flown by and I've spent a lot of time this semester just reflecting on all that I have gone through and how I have become such a different person than the girl that walked onto campus four years ago. God has molded and shaped me into someone that I am amazed by every day. I want to bring you up to speed but I don't want to overwhelm you with information. The turning point really came last year while applying for a summer internship.

For my program we are required to do an internship the summer before our senior year and it's this big scary thing that intimidates everyone because if you don't find one you won't graduate on time. That being said I was selected as one of the top three from my Computer Aided Design (CAD) class to send my portfolio from the class to Chico's headquarter's as a possibility for an internship, a paid one too might I add. I was so excited and overjoyed that my professors liked my work and thought I would do well and I had a ton of pride about it and thought I knew for sure that I would get it. Well, you can guess that I ended up not getting the internship, one of my friends that I studied in Paris with got it instead. I was excited for her but also really scared because now I had to start looking for internships and I had no idea how to do that and really didn't even know what I wanted to do. I spent a lot of time looking up internships on every website under the sun, all I really knew was that I didn't particularly want to go to New York and the idea of going somewhere super unfamiliar intimidated me beyond belief. So I was looking in places that I either had family or friends. Found an ad on Craigslist for a full time technical design position in Chantilly Virginia and on a whim sent them an email saying I was looking for an internship and wondering if they had any openings. I didn't even know the name of the company! Exchanged a few emails over a very long period of time but ended up having a phone interview with the vice president of production and sourcing.

In our emails I was told that the position would be unpaid, which didn't surprise me as most internships are only for school credit. During our phone interview I was told that I would actually be paid minimum wage. After some more time with the deadline fast approaching and hope for any other internship pretty much dead I finally found out that they would love to have me and couldn't wait for me to get there. Now I just needed to find housing in Northern Virginia that wouldn't break the bank. This whole time I was really praying hard and I had gone on a mission trip to Atlanta and learned a lot about depending on God and finding strength and peace in Him no matter what the circumstances so I knew that God had a plan and I knew that the pieces would fall together if I trusted him, so I did.

I searched all over for places, since I grew up in the area I debated living with someone but didn't feel like that would be right, I wanted a little more independence than that. I went back to Craigslist, it's not as scary and sketchy as some people might think, and found an ad for a lady that would let someone live in her house for free if they would take care of her dog. I love dogs. I was completely sold on the idea and we exchanged quite a few emails and then she suddenly dropped the bomb that my schedule wouldn't fit well because she needed someone there for a little longer period of time so I was back to square one, which meant back to Craigslist. I found an ad for a house that was right by my middle school that some grad students from Mason were living in. I emailed the girl and told her I was interested and she sent me this detailed questionnaire that I had to fill out along with some references. It was intimidating but I knew that if she was like that they were probably good people that didn't want a sketchy roommate.

After making it through the hoops and talking with some of the other roommates they said they would like to have me as a roommate. After sending one of my friends to drive by the house and make sure it was real and not creepy I sent off my rent deposit. I kid you not, the very next day I get an email from the lady with the dog that the other girl she had found wasn't going to work out and she wanted to know if I was still interested. I so wanted to email the new place and tell them to tear up my check, but it didn't feel right. I had a peace about living with those girls that I definitely did not understand, but I knew somehow it would work out.

I finished my semester, finished my fashion show which was also a really cool experience, packed up my stuff and me and my Mom drove down to Virginia to see what the summer would have in store for me. When I first got to the house I met one of my roommates and she immediately gave me a hug and helped me unpack stuff, you have no idea how wonderful that was, to know that I not only had a cool roommate but I possibly had a new friend. After moving in we decided to find the office where I would be working so I plugged in the address and we went hunting. The GPS said it couldn't find the exact address, but it does that a lot so we picked one close by and figured it was a new building that my GPS didn't know yet. We drove around for a really long time not finding anything and my Mom was worried that I had been fooled and this company didn't even exist or anything. Turns out I had just written down the address wrong, oops. So we finally found the building which was not at all what you would picture for a fashion company it was just in a normal office building with a college above it, barely taking up a quarter of the first level. But we found it and it did exist so my Mom was able to head home happy.

One of the big reasons I was so excited to be back in the area I had grown up was that I was able to go back to my church and see all my friends that I had left. It was such a blessing to have something familiar around when everything else was so new and different. It had obviously changed, which was a surprise but should have been expected, and I struggled with finding where I fit in now that I wasn't in youth group but didn't really feel like I fit with the other groups. I ended up finding a college bible study to be a part of, and also joined a little bible study that my roommate was a part of which was super cool. Gosh there's so much to tell but I'll try to stay on point.

So I started my internship, went in the first day with dress pants, a blazer, and heels and quickly found out that they are a lot more casual than that. The company, who I won't mention just for their privacy and mine but if you ask me I'll tell you, was quite small and probably had a total staff of 30 people, which is insane for an apparel company especially for all that they do. But my boss walked me around and introduced me to everyone right away and kind of laid out the expectations and what the internship was going to be like. She was so wonderful and really wanted me to learn a lot, she didn't want me to just be some cheap labor, she wanted me to learn and grow and understand which I loved!  The whole summer was marvelous, I got to do some really exciting things and I worked super hard to do my best and be the best which everyone seemed to pick up on by giving me more and more stuff to do. I quickly became a part of the team and a vital asset to my boss, especially when she found out she was pregnant! The whole atmosphere of the company really fit me well and I loved every minute of it. When I got my first paycheck I found out that instead of getting paid minimum wage I was actually getting paid about $10 an hour, which was a huge blessing in my life and definitely a God thing.

The summer went by fast and I became really close with my roommates and colleagues and some of the friends that were back in town, but now I had to leave it all to go back to Michigan. The last week was so sad, and it was so hard to leave such a wonderful company and such wonderful people, not knowing if I would get to come back and see or work with them again. My grandma took the train down so she could ride back with me which was such a blessing to have someone else along for the ride.

The summer taught me so much more than I ever expected to learn from and internship. I really opened up and learned how to be a hard worker, how to balance fun things, how to reach out to people, and how to be satisfied in being alone. I know this is a long post but I'm glad you took the time to read it, I'll try to be better about posting things because there is so much I want to share.





When there's nothing left, who are we?
Black Box- This Beautiful Republic

The beauty of beauty

My Aunt and Uncle were up this weekend and they are so great, just always admiring the beauty in the world no matter where it is. They're originally from Michigan but they've lived in Florida for a few years now, so going from palm trees to oak and pine trees was very different. Even seeing squirrels was exciting for them. It just really made me realize how little I truly value my surroundings. I've become numb to their effects and where I used to squeal with delight at the sight of a deer now I just pass them by as simple scenery.

Last summer I worked at Camp Barakel, which is set back in the woods and I enjoyed the area and all of the animals. I'm in a similar setting here at home, but I've lost the appreciation, it doesn't feel like it did there. It really is a place where God has blessed, but there's no reason why I can't admire God's creation everywhere.

When I think of nature in the Bible I automatically jump to Psalms 19.

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
⁴ Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
⁵ It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
⁶ It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth.

While my aunt and uncle were here we walked down the beach and then climbed back up the hill to watch the sunset. On our walk back up the sun had already changed to orange and its light was showing up brilliantly on the trees in the coolest patterns. It was amazing, nothing like it, and then getting all the way up to see the sun set was just as brilliant. But I still felt like it was just typical, the sun has set thousands of times before and it's going to keep doing so. The hard part for me is appreciating it and to come to the realization that the sun never sets in quite the same manner. I need to come to the state of mind where I view everything as the work of God's hands, as his masterpiece. Because God has placed them in a perfect, and brilliant manner!

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything, but I'm gonna try and get back on track. maybe...

Freedom

It's been awhile since I've posted anything so here's just some lyrics that have really been speaking to me lately. Perhaps when I get time I'll actually write something :)

Freedom by Run Kid Run

Oh my chains, I can't disengage
I don't believe that I want to
One hand sings Your praise
The other brings me shame
I have selfishness to blame

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for change, change, change, change

Looking down I lay
I keep holding my chains
No longer bound but here I stay
I scream, Father please, I need rescuing
I need You and You alone

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for, I'm ready for

Still You patiently await
Yet I won't just let go
I see You and You alone
Say come, follow me
Despair has come so You can't see, release

So I'm singing for freedom
So I'm singing for freedom

The time has come, separation lost the war to love
Take my hand, grace is found, yeah where Your words begin
You're alive, You're alive, in the waking of new life
Take my hand, in the end there's only love, there's only love

There's only singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for, I'm ready for
Father please, I need rescuing
I need You and You alone

Faithfully

This last weekend I went to a women's retreat led by Leslie Ludy, author of many many books but her most popular one seems to be "When God Writes Your Love Story." I read it awhile ago and it completely changed my view on dating, and even how I interact with the opposite sex. It's all about falling in love with our original bridegroom, Jesus Christ, and pursuing Him before we try to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

Many of us have probably read or heard about Proverbs 31 that describes the wife of noble character. Theres one description that Leslie frequently mentioned that got me thinking. "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life" ALL the days of her life, not after she meets him, or after they're married but ALL the days.

Leslie brought up this passage many times in her books and speaking and in our world today it sure seems like a very odd principle. In a world where people hook up with random people and care little about each others feelings, someone who cherishes, honors, and does her husband good all the days of her life would look like a crazy fool. But God calls us to be set apart from the world "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" Romans 12:2. Perhaps a renewing of our minds to see the way that God intended love and marriage to be is what we as Christians need.

I know God has a plan for me and a plan for my husband, and I intend to do him good and not harm all the days of my life.

Faithfully by Eric and Leslie Ludy-

Tonight I saw a shooting star
Made me wonder where you are
For years I have been dreaming of you
And I wonder if you're thinking of me too
In this world of cheap romance
And love that only fades after the dance
They say that i'm a fool to wait for something more
How can I really love someone i've never seen before
But I have longed for true love every day that I have lived
And I know that real love is all about learning how to give
So I pray that god will bring you to me
And I pray you'll find me waiting faithfully

Faithfully, I am yours
From now until forever
Faithfully, I will write
Write you a love song with my life
Cause this kind of loves worth waiting for
No matter how long it takes I am yours
Faithfully

Tonight I saw two lovers kiss
Reminded me of my own loneliness
They say that i'm a fool to keep on praying for you
How can I give up pleasure for a dream that won't come true
But I will keep believing that god still has a plan
And though I can't see you now,
I know that he can
And someday I will give you all of me
Until I find you, i'll be waiting faithfully

Faithfully, I am yours
From now until forever
Faithfully, I will write
Write you a love song with my life
Cause this kind of loves worth waiting for
No matter how long it takes I am yours
Faithfully

Sunday March 14th 2010

It was a long trip. We made it home around 5:00pm and unloaded the van into Lindsay and Alicia's house, it basically looked like REI threw up in their living room and smelled like it too. It was crazy to see all the stuff that we had somehow fit into that small little van.

We attempted to sort out all the clothes and stuff and get them to the right person and after lots and lots of hugs and "see you later's" we headed back to our own homes. Firs thing I did when I got back was take a shower, it made me think about what a luxury it was, I doubt that the homeless ever get a good hot shower and I just really valued that and thanked God for it.

I was the first one from my room to get back so I unpacked my stuff and cleaned my room and just reflected on the week and stuff. When I did get to talk to people it was kind of disappointing because I was so enthusiastic about it and super excited but no one else seemed to have the same reaction. It seemed like I had just told them that I played with lint the entire week, but I tried to keep my spirit high.

It was hard to get back to the real world and work on homework and other things when all I could think about was the past week.

Saturday March 13th 2010

Our second day of backpacking and our last day in Colorado.

We woke up pretty much at the crack of dawn, 6:30, and started making breakfast so we could get headed out on the trails. Breakfast was oatmeal and I mixed some trail mix in with it, mmmm. We tore down our camp and set to work packing up the van, meaning we had to disassemble all the stuff in our backpacks so they were flat again and we had to find somewhere to put all our clothes and the tents and stuff. This was a little more difficult than when we first did it but somehow, by the grace of God, we managed to get it all shoved in there.

We then set off on our second day of hiking. We didn't hike nearly as much as we did the day before, only about a half mile to Bear Lake and then we took a ton of pictures and goofed around. We were all so comfortable and goofy around each other and so we got a lot of cool pictures. But then we had to head down the mountain and leave the beautiful Estes Park. It was sad to head out and leave the mountains and everything, but it was an adventure and a trip I will never forget.

When we got back down the mountain we went to a souvenir shop and then went to Kelly's to change into our van clothes. That same herd of elk apparently decided to follow us because there were a ton of them just chilling out in the middle of the road outside her apartment, with people yelling at them trying to get them to move. We said our goodbyes and headed down the mountain and began our trek back to Michigan.

We were all really hungry and it was decided that we should go to Golden Corral since it was a buffet and would have anything anybody wanted. Our group was so tired and hungry that when we got food we just went nutso, I can only imagine what the other people thought of us. A massive group of girls that looked bad and smelled bad and were eating food like we hadn't seen it in forever, but it was pretty much the first time we'd had some good food all week.

After dinner we got back in the car to continue on our trip back home. The ride home was a lot different than the ride there because now we knew each other and we were able to have real conversations about we had learned and what we enjoyed while we were out there.

Besides hiking in the morning it was a pretty uneventful day full of driving. But it was still a really good day

Friday March 12th 2010

Sorry it's taken me awhile to finish up the last few days of our trip, I blame the end of the semester being so busy.

Exact words from my journal describing today "Today was really awesome, a cherry on the top of one of the best weeks ever. But a well earned, hard fought over cherry."

So we're all packed but there's one last thing we have to do, gather sticks. Yep that's right we needed to gather kindling for our fire so we went around campus and picked up sticks and stuff that were on the ground. I can only imagine what the people of CCU were thinking.

With that done we hopped in the van with our backpacks sitting on our laps and left to head to Estes Park, wooo! On Thursday they had told us where we were going and they also told us that we wouldn't truly be backpacking because we were just hiking in the mountains and then going back to a campsite and then hiking again the next day. Our group was apparently too big and it was too early in the season to set up camp in the mountains, but it all worked out.

Our Van struggled to get up the mountains but we made it up and learned that we would have a guide for our trip. God worked a miracle and Alicia and Lindsay were able to find Kelly who was a CMU graduate and had actually been involved with His House but moved out to Denver and leads children's groups and other things out there. She lived right by Estes Park so we were able to use her apartment to change and stuff before heading out on our adventure.

We finally made it to the trail head of where we would be hiking and put on our hats and gloves and stuff and headed up the mountain. Kelly said we would be going to about 10,000 feet and that it would be a 3 mile hike round trip. For me the hardest part was the first tenth of a mile, getting adjusted to the altitude and trying to get a good body temperature that wasn't too hot or cold was difficult, but after that it was pretty smooth sailing.

It was so beautiful and breathtaking on top of the mountain and we got to hike across a frozen river and just see God's beauty displayed all around us. We may or may not have gotten off of the trail we were supposed to be on and ended up somewhere where we didn't really know where we were, but we were able to turn around and just head back down the mountain.

We packed a ton of granola bars, energy bars, trail mix, and sandwiches to eat while we were up there and ate those along the trail and for lunch, we even stopped at one point and made hot chocolate with some little gas heater things.

The hiking part was pretty hard work but to get to the top and see all of the mountains and landscape was very awesome! It's hard to describe everything that we saw and did because it's really different than anything and you should just go experience it for yourself.

We survived the mountain and headed to our campsite to get all set up before it got dark. On our way we saw a huge herd of elk, probably around 200 of them, it was super cool to see them. It's not everyday you run into an elk, much less 200 of them!!!!!

We unpacked our van and got to work making our tents, which I thought would be difficult but we managed to set up 4 tents in no time at all, girl power! For dinner we made rice sides, yumm, we had quite an assembly line going, filling the cups, putting them on the burners, pouring the water into the rice bag, and closing the rice bag and checking it for when it's done.

After dinner Kelly took us to a really big field, the one where we saw the huge herd of elk actually, and we were able to just look at all the stars. She was pointing out different constellations and stars and other things and then we split up and just laid there, it was really really awesome. There were so many stars, Kelly said we could probably see the entire milky way! To see God's majesty and beauty displayed in the sky in such a miraculous way was just spectacular. We sat there for awhile just in awe and then headed back to our campsite.

When we got back Alicia and Lindsay had made us a nice little fire, something we wouldn't have been able to have if we had legit backpacked. It was nice and warm and we sat around and Kelly told us her testimony. It was cool cause we barely knew her but she was sharing her whole life story with us because she knew that God wanted her to and that it would change our lives. It definitely impacted my life.

After her testimony we did some worship. I think that there's something about a fire and camping that makes worship so much more meaningful and cool.

Kelly headed back to her own apartment to get some sleep, apparently sleeping in the cold didn't sound appealing ;) After she left Jannan shared her testimony, which was also very moving and brought a different perspective and insight into her life. The whole night was just super awesome.

Now we had to set to work getting ready to go to sleep, which apparently means we have to do alot so that we don't freeze. We had to change and what I ended up wearing to bed was a pair of underarmor leggings, yoga pants, sweatpants, and windbreakers, and then an underarmor shirt, a long sleve shirt, a fleece, a sweatshirt, and my winter jacket, only slightly less bulk than the kid in The Christmas Story. We also heated up water and put that in our water bottle and stuck in our sleeping bag, along with 6 handwarmers. I was afraid that I might get cold but I was pretty toasty all night.

Our first day of backpacking and adventure was really truly freaking awesome.