The beauty of beauty

My Aunt and Uncle were up this weekend and they are so great, just always admiring the beauty in the world no matter where it is. They're originally from Michigan but they've lived in Florida for a few years now, so going from palm trees to oak and pine trees was very different. Even seeing squirrels was exciting for them. It just really made me realize how little I truly value my surroundings. I've become numb to their effects and where I used to squeal with delight at the sight of a deer now I just pass them by as simple scenery.

Last summer I worked at Camp Barakel, which is set back in the woods and I enjoyed the area and all of the animals. I'm in a similar setting here at home, but I've lost the appreciation, it doesn't feel like it did there. It really is a place where God has blessed, but there's no reason why I can't admire God's creation everywhere.

When I think of nature in the Bible I automatically jump to Psalms 19.

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
⁴ Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
⁵ It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
⁶ It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth.

While my aunt and uncle were here we walked down the beach and then climbed back up the hill to watch the sunset. On our walk back up the sun had already changed to orange and its light was showing up brilliantly on the trees in the coolest patterns. It was amazing, nothing like it, and then getting all the way up to see the sun set was just as brilliant. But I still felt like it was just typical, the sun has set thousands of times before and it's going to keep doing so. The hard part for me is appreciating it and to come to the realization that the sun never sets in quite the same manner. I need to come to the state of mind where I view everything as the work of God's hands, as his masterpiece. Because God has placed them in a perfect, and brilliant manner!

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything, but I'm gonna try and get back on track. maybe...

Freedom

It's been awhile since I've posted anything so here's just some lyrics that have really been speaking to me lately. Perhaps when I get time I'll actually write something :)

Freedom by Run Kid Run

Oh my chains, I can't disengage
I don't believe that I want to
One hand sings Your praise
The other brings me shame
I have selfishness to blame

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for change, change, change, change

Looking down I lay
I keep holding my chains
No longer bound but here I stay
I scream, Father please, I need rescuing
I need You and You alone

And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for, I'm ready for

Still You patiently await
Yet I won't just let go
I see You and You alone
Say come, follow me
Despair has come so You can't see, release

So I'm singing for freedom
So I'm singing for freedom

The time has come, separation lost the war to love
Take my hand, grace is found, yeah where Your words begin
You're alive, You're alive, in the waking of new life
Take my hand, in the end there's only love, there's only love

There's only singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for, I'm ready for
Father please, I need rescuing
I need You and You alone

Faithfully

This last weekend I went to a women's retreat led by Leslie Ludy, author of many many books but her most popular one seems to be "When God Writes Your Love Story." I read it awhile ago and it completely changed my view on dating, and even how I interact with the opposite sex. It's all about falling in love with our original bridegroom, Jesus Christ, and pursuing Him before we try to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

Many of us have probably read or heard about Proverbs 31 that describes the wife of noble character. Theres one description that Leslie frequently mentioned that got me thinking. "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life" ALL the days of her life, not after she meets him, or after they're married but ALL the days.

Leslie brought up this passage many times in her books and speaking and in our world today it sure seems like a very odd principle. In a world where people hook up with random people and care little about each others feelings, someone who cherishes, honors, and does her husband good all the days of her life would look like a crazy fool. But God calls us to be set apart from the world "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" Romans 12:2. Perhaps a renewing of our minds to see the way that God intended love and marriage to be is what we as Christians need.

I know God has a plan for me and a plan for my husband, and I intend to do him good and not harm all the days of my life.

Faithfully by Eric and Leslie Ludy-

Tonight I saw a shooting star
Made me wonder where you are
For years I have been dreaming of you
And I wonder if you're thinking of me too
In this world of cheap romance
And love that only fades after the dance
They say that i'm a fool to wait for something more
How can I really love someone i've never seen before
But I have longed for true love every day that I have lived
And I know that real love is all about learning how to give
So I pray that god will bring you to me
And I pray you'll find me waiting faithfully

Faithfully, I am yours
From now until forever
Faithfully, I will write
Write you a love song with my life
Cause this kind of loves worth waiting for
No matter how long it takes I am yours
Faithfully

Tonight I saw two lovers kiss
Reminded me of my own loneliness
They say that i'm a fool to keep on praying for you
How can I give up pleasure for a dream that won't come true
But I will keep believing that god still has a plan
And though I can't see you now,
I know that he can
And someday I will give you all of me
Until I find you, i'll be waiting faithfully

Faithfully, I am yours
From now until forever
Faithfully, I will write
Write you a love song with my life
Cause this kind of loves worth waiting for
No matter how long it takes I am yours
Faithfully

Sunday March 14th 2010

It was a long trip. We made it home around 5:00pm and unloaded the van into Lindsay and Alicia's house, it basically looked like REI threw up in their living room and smelled like it too. It was crazy to see all the stuff that we had somehow fit into that small little van.

We attempted to sort out all the clothes and stuff and get them to the right person and after lots and lots of hugs and "see you later's" we headed back to our own homes. Firs thing I did when I got back was take a shower, it made me think about what a luxury it was, I doubt that the homeless ever get a good hot shower and I just really valued that and thanked God for it.

I was the first one from my room to get back so I unpacked my stuff and cleaned my room and just reflected on the week and stuff. When I did get to talk to people it was kind of disappointing because I was so enthusiastic about it and super excited but no one else seemed to have the same reaction. It seemed like I had just told them that I played with lint the entire week, but I tried to keep my spirit high.

It was hard to get back to the real world and work on homework and other things when all I could think about was the past week.

Saturday March 13th 2010

Our second day of backpacking and our last day in Colorado.

We woke up pretty much at the crack of dawn, 6:30, and started making breakfast so we could get headed out on the trails. Breakfast was oatmeal and I mixed some trail mix in with it, mmmm. We tore down our camp and set to work packing up the van, meaning we had to disassemble all the stuff in our backpacks so they were flat again and we had to find somewhere to put all our clothes and the tents and stuff. This was a little more difficult than when we first did it but somehow, by the grace of God, we managed to get it all shoved in there.

We then set off on our second day of hiking. We didn't hike nearly as much as we did the day before, only about a half mile to Bear Lake and then we took a ton of pictures and goofed around. We were all so comfortable and goofy around each other and so we got a lot of cool pictures. But then we had to head down the mountain and leave the beautiful Estes Park. It was sad to head out and leave the mountains and everything, but it was an adventure and a trip I will never forget.

When we got back down the mountain we went to a souvenir shop and then went to Kelly's to change into our van clothes. That same herd of elk apparently decided to follow us because there were a ton of them just chilling out in the middle of the road outside her apartment, with people yelling at them trying to get them to move. We said our goodbyes and headed down the mountain and began our trek back to Michigan.

We were all really hungry and it was decided that we should go to Golden Corral since it was a buffet and would have anything anybody wanted. Our group was so tired and hungry that when we got food we just went nutso, I can only imagine what the other people thought of us. A massive group of girls that looked bad and smelled bad and were eating food like we hadn't seen it in forever, but it was pretty much the first time we'd had some good food all week.

After dinner we got back in the car to continue on our trip back home. The ride home was a lot different than the ride there because now we knew each other and we were able to have real conversations about we had learned and what we enjoyed while we were out there.

Besides hiking in the morning it was a pretty uneventful day full of driving. But it was still a really good day

Friday March 12th 2010

Sorry it's taken me awhile to finish up the last few days of our trip, I blame the end of the semester being so busy.

Exact words from my journal describing today "Today was really awesome, a cherry on the top of one of the best weeks ever. But a well earned, hard fought over cherry."

So we're all packed but there's one last thing we have to do, gather sticks. Yep that's right we needed to gather kindling for our fire so we went around campus and picked up sticks and stuff that were on the ground. I can only imagine what the people of CCU were thinking.

With that done we hopped in the van with our backpacks sitting on our laps and left to head to Estes Park, wooo! On Thursday they had told us where we were going and they also told us that we wouldn't truly be backpacking because we were just hiking in the mountains and then going back to a campsite and then hiking again the next day. Our group was apparently too big and it was too early in the season to set up camp in the mountains, but it all worked out.

Our Van struggled to get up the mountains but we made it up and learned that we would have a guide for our trip. God worked a miracle and Alicia and Lindsay were able to find Kelly who was a CMU graduate and had actually been involved with His House but moved out to Denver and leads children's groups and other things out there. She lived right by Estes Park so we were able to use her apartment to change and stuff before heading out on our adventure.

We finally made it to the trail head of where we would be hiking and put on our hats and gloves and stuff and headed up the mountain. Kelly said we would be going to about 10,000 feet and that it would be a 3 mile hike round trip. For me the hardest part was the first tenth of a mile, getting adjusted to the altitude and trying to get a good body temperature that wasn't too hot or cold was difficult, but after that it was pretty smooth sailing.

It was so beautiful and breathtaking on top of the mountain and we got to hike across a frozen river and just see God's beauty displayed all around us. We may or may not have gotten off of the trail we were supposed to be on and ended up somewhere where we didn't really know where we were, but we were able to turn around and just head back down the mountain.

We packed a ton of granola bars, energy bars, trail mix, and sandwiches to eat while we were up there and ate those along the trail and for lunch, we even stopped at one point and made hot chocolate with some little gas heater things.

The hiking part was pretty hard work but to get to the top and see all of the mountains and landscape was very awesome! It's hard to describe everything that we saw and did because it's really different than anything and you should just go experience it for yourself.

We survived the mountain and headed to our campsite to get all set up before it got dark. On our way we saw a huge herd of elk, probably around 200 of them, it was super cool to see them. It's not everyday you run into an elk, much less 200 of them!!!!!

We unpacked our van and got to work making our tents, which I thought would be difficult but we managed to set up 4 tents in no time at all, girl power! For dinner we made rice sides, yumm, we had quite an assembly line going, filling the cups, putting them on the burners, pouring the water into the rice bag, and closing the rice bag and checking it for when it's done.

After dinner Kelly took us to a really big field, the one where we saw the huge herd of elk actually, and we were able to just look at all the stars. She was pointing out different constellations and stars and other things and then we split up and just laid there, it was really really awesome. There were so many stars, Kelly said we could probably see the entire milky way! To see God's majesty and beauty displayed in the sky in such a miraculous way was just spectacular. We sat there for awhile just in awe and then headed back to our campsite.

When we got back Alicia and Lindsay had made us a nice little fire, something we wouldn't have been able to have if we had legit backpacked. It was nice and warm and we sat around and Kelly told us her testimony. It was cool cause we barely knew her but she was sharing her whole life story with us because she knew that God wanted her to and that it would change our lives. It definitely impacted my life.

After her testimony we did some worship. I think that there's something about a fire and camping that makes worship so much more meaningful and cool.

Kelly headed back to her own apartment to get some sleep, apparently sleeping in the cold didn't sound appealing ;) After she left Jannan shared her testimony, which was also very moving and brought a different perspective and insight into her life. The whole night was just super awesome.

Now we had to set to work getting ready to go to sleep, which apparently means we have to do alot so that we don't freeze. We had to change and what I ended up wearing to bed was a pair of underarmor leggings, yoga pants, sweatpants, and windbreakers, and then an underarmor shirt, a long sleve shirt, a fleece, a sweatshirt, and my winter jacket, only slightly less bulk than the kid in The Christmas Story. We also heated up water and put that in our water bottle and stuck in our sleeping bag, along with 6 handwarmers. I was afraid that I might get cold but I was pretty toasty all night.

Our first day of backpacking and adventure was really truly freaking awesome.

Thursday March 11th 2010

Our last day at the DRM :(

We got to sleep in today which was really nice! Then we wrote letters and encouraging verses to the guys at the mission. It was cool to find a ton of verses for the guys and write them personal letters telling them how they impacted our life. Earlier in the week one of the guys had told Lindsay that he hadn't received a letter from his family in 7 years!

We got to the city kind of early so Alicia and Lindsay decided to let us explore downtown for a quick little bit. This required parallel parking our 15 passenger van between an SUV and a Fedex truck, and Alicia did it! Then we headed down to the 16th street mall and took a bunch of pictures and stuff and stopped in a sports store so some people could get souvenirs. Then we headed back, a quick but fun trip.

We all assumed we were going back to the DRM but we were soon in a random neighborhood and didn't know what we were doing. Alicia then parallel parks again in an even smaller spot! We got out and learned that we were going to the Champa house, a DRM rehabilitation center for women and their young families. They gave us a tour and showed us all of the different things that they could offer there. They had a daycare area and a school/learning area, and other cool things and then upstairs they housed all the families. Each family got an apartment style room with their own kitchen and bathroom that they could style in a way that was best for them. I believe that there were 8 families living there at the time, which is impressive because the house was not very big at all. None of the families or women seemed to be around so we couldn't talk to them or anything but from the stories it sounds like it's doing really well.

After that we headed to the DRM and were ushered into the chapel again. Nate and Nicole, another staff member who seemed to teleport to all the different DRM centers, chatted with us about our week and what we've been learning and liking and stuff, it was cool to talk to them about it since they live it everyday. They gave all of us a shirt that says "I fought hunger and homelessness at the Denver Rescue Mission" and a book called Under the Overpass written by a guy who decided to be homeless for 6 months and started his adventure at the DRM. It was so exciting to get those things because they could always remind us of our time there.

We went downstairs and laid out all of the cards for the guys so they could grab them before getting Lunch. As they got there and saw a card with their name on it, something that was truly theirs and addressed just for them, their faces all lit up and as they read them they kept thanking us and telling us how much they loved it. Such a simple thing as a letter, but with so much love it had really made a difference in their day and life.

It was amazing to see how much we had changed from the beginning of the week when we were scared to go and sit with these guys but now we fearlessly walked up sat down and struck up conversations with them. And the guys had really taken us under their wing and joked around with us and wanted to share their lives and struggles with us so we could learn. We learned a lot from them in just one week.

After eating and serving lunch Nate and Mike wanted to take us to the 16th street mall, where we'd been that morning, so we went. While we were walking a guy came up to us and asked if we had any change, we directed him towards the DRM but he said he just wanted a cup of coffee so Nate said he could walk with us and he'd buy him a cup of coffee. He walked with us for awhile and started saying things like "Jesus Christ isn't real, he's dead and never came back to life." Mike immediately spoke up and said "I'm sorry you feel that way because he is alive and he lives in me!" and just sharing the gospel with this guy. Here's Mike who at one point in life was probably close to the position that this guy is in and he's now sharing the gospel with him, that's crazy, and proof of God's work in people.

The guy walked with us for awhile but he dropped away when we got closer to the city. Nate stopped us and pointed out that alot of guys have this idea of space, that down by the DRM is acceptable space for them to be but in the main part of the city it is not. And we also discussed what is best to do when someone asks for money. There are a lot of people who will just use that money for drugs or alcohol but at the time you pass them maybe what they really need to see is God's love and by giving them money they might see that. He says that the best thing to do is probably buy them food, get them a burger or a cup of coffee, something that they can't use to buy alcohol or drugs and still shows your love for them, probably even more than just dropping a dollar for them.

Well who would've guessed, that guy came back and so we stopped at a Starbucks and got him a cup of coffee and Nate talked to him a little bit about the DRM and stuff. Nate stayed and talked with him but we needed to head back to serve dinner.

After we had served dinner to everyone our group got together and sang a couple songs for the guys. This was definitely a different expereicne than when we sang for the people in the mission, because it's probably true that a lot of these guys didn't know Jesus. Before they come to dinner they have to go to chapel but in Under the Overpass he says that the chapels often revolved around sin and how they should repent, sermons he said that often just brought him down, but the songs we chose were songs of hope and of getting a second chance and of the love of Jesus. Our group was in no way a choir but we offered a joyful noise and the people loved it. In the back we could see Matt and Mike with huge smiles on their face, Alicia said that they looked like "proud papas."

Our time with them was coming to a close. We cleaned up after the first group and another group of volunteers took over for the rest of the shifts. We didn't want to leave so we delayed, just saying good bye was hard. We decided to pray over the guys, Mike and Matt, it was very cool to share our love and pour our hearts out onto these guys, I doubt there was a dry eye in the group. Matt said how he'd changed so much and that he used to pistol whip guys and stuff but now all it takes is a sad commercial and he'll be crying.

We took a bunch of crazy pictures and then we had to leave. Someone decided we should dance all the way outside so with Matt leading we danced all the way through the cafeteria and up the stairs then took more pictures outside with the Jesus Saves sign in the background and headed across the street to our van. As we were saying our goodbyes we saw Matt leaving and heading back inside, later he told us that he was losing it and had to leave. :( Tearfully we climbed into the van and rode back home with only the stereo breaking the silence.

When we got back we talked about our experiences and what we had learned throughout the week. We also did this thing they called "the hot seat," where someone sat in a chair and then 3 people told them what they liked about them, or what they had learned, or just something encouraging. It was really sweet and cool because we had all really grown together and had shared so much in those first days.

The next day we would be leaving CCU and heading off to go backpacking so after that whole day we still had to pack and get stuff ready to leave the next morning. I don't think we went to sleep until after 2, and even then it was hard to sleep knowing we might not see some of those guys again.